A Very Foxy Christmas Beach Party!
by backpack bootswiper map
Summary: Star Fox takes a much-needed break and enjoys the summer sun! Note: This fanfic in no way makes fun of Elarix or his affiliates at the Foxhole.


AUTHOR'S NOTE: This fanfic is in no way makes fun of Elarix or his affiliates at the Foxhole. When coming up with stories in the past, backpack bootswiper map has been reckless in its abandon. We admit this with a heavy heart, a heavy mind, and a heavy soul, all of which were in no way cajoled or coerced by unwilling or unsuspecting individuals. We understand now that when coming up with a story, from the bones to the teeth, one must practice due diligence in researching every aspect of their idea. Again, from bones to teeth. The suspicion that the story posted STAR FOX: ADVENT FOXHOLE could be misinterpreted by [parties] such as Elarix or his affiliates at the Foxhole to be a cuss at them, or some form of insult or jabbery in their general direction is an error that could have easily been avoided. Moving forward, we will take this opportunity to communicate to the audience so they know beyond the shadow of a doubt that we are NOT making fun of Elarix or his affiliate cohorts that reside over at the forum and discord server of the Foxhole. Furthermore, 

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"Something about the holidays just warms the cold, dead foxhole©️ where my heart used to be," says Fox. (A/N: the rights to the word "foxhole" belong to Elarix and his affiliates at the Foxhole©️ the term can appear here under the Fair Use Act's term of using copyrighted materials for educational purposes.)

"Pishaw, Fox! You've got a toadload of warmth in that heart of yours and you know it!" Said Slippy, who is neither someone to be made fun of or targeted, OR an analogous representation of anybody, least of all Elarix or his affiliates at the Foxhole. "You do so much good for the Lylation system, and then some!"

"I dunno about that, little buddy, but I certainly do try!" Fox was getting better at accepting compliments for sure. His low self esteem manifested by his need to impress his father who, bless his soul, is no longer with us, and his inability to tear open and rewire physics to accomplish such a feat has always been an issue, but it's something he's aware of and working on, and there's not much more you can ask of a person, or fox, for that matter.  
[NOTE: Any and all resemblances between Fox and the nature of his relationship with his father who is dead is purely coincidental to that of persons living or dead, notably Elarix or his affiliates at the Foxhole]

"Quit being so modest, Fox!" Falco says to Fox McCloud, and not Elarix or his affiliates at the Foxhole. However, modesty is no reason to target someone for any sort of spirited joke at the expense of anybody, Elarix and his affiliates at the Foxhole or otherwise, as he claps his hands onto Fox's shoulders and shakes him vigorously. "You're a hero and you know it!"

Shaken, not stirred, Fox catches the sunglasses from falling off his face and awkwardly stuffs them back on over his eyes.  
"Falco, you buffoon!" Fox says, and we here at backpack bootswiper map would really, really like to stress that this is Fox calling Falco, a fictional character, a buffoon. Not us calling Elarix or any single one of the constituents at the Foxhole forum and discord server a buffoon. Not only would we not dream of such a thing, but if you or a loved one has considered calling Elarix or the many single individual constituents at the Foxhole forum and discord server a buffoon, we would like to take a very public stants that we both strongly advise against it, and strongly advise you to reconsider. "Please respect my personal space!"

Falco may be a bit of a buffoon[again, we really want to stress this, we're talking about the fictional character Falco and not Elarix or his cohorts inside or outside of the Foxhole presently] but he learns from his mistakes. He makes a personal silent vow to not invade or disrespect Fox's personal space again. [Just like we here at backpack bootswiper map vowed to NOT make fun of Elarix or his associates at the Foxhole, living, dead, past, present or future.]

"I tell ya, I can't wait to spend the holidays in the sun," Peppy says to a record scratch. What! Who ever heard of Christmas in the sun! Not me!

"Whoever heard of Christmas in the sun!" Falco says, not infringing on my intellectual property, just a coincidence. "Not me!"

"Australians," Slippy says, "they celebrate Christmas in the sun every year!"

What the heck's an Australian?

"What the heck's an Australian?" Falco asks, again, not infringing on my intellectual properties, just a coincidence.

"Hmm!" Slippy says, thinking of how to answer my and Falco's question! "An Australian is an alien that lives on an island and chews on words! They experience Christmas in summertime."

"Like this beach planet?" Fox asks?

"Nope!" Slippy says, knowing things that not all of us know. [disclaimer: we here at backspack bootswiper map do not speak for anyone outside of this story in regards to whether or not they know things about Australia, least of all Elarix and his associated affiliates at the Foxhole on this or any timeline] "They experience winter! This beach planet has no winter."

"Wouldn't that be nice?" Krystal [who has been present in the story this whole time [not like jokes or mean-spirited statements towards Elarix or anyone else affiliated with the Foxhole [those do not have any place in this story whatsoever]]], due to the heat and presence of sand, pulls her locks up into a ponytail. "A planet with no winter."

"Aw, come on, Krys—it's not so bad." Falco lightly taps her on the arm in a gesture of camaraderie. "You just need the right attitude and the right clothes."

"If winter's not so bad, then why did we skip out on Corneria to come here now?" It's a valid question.

"That's... a valid question." Falco repeats the narrative coincidentally, just like any jokes made at Elarix's or any of his friends at the Foxhole's expense in this fanfic. "I guess even those of us native to winter still get the blues," the bird says, gesturing to himself because he's blue. We would like to take the opportunity and point out that the purpose of this joke is to demonstrate that Falco is blue, and he is making a joke about having the blues, which refers to being sad, and that this joke does not reference anyone at the Foxhole or Elarix in any form.  
Krystal laughs, non-derisively, and certainly not at anything that may have been said in reference to Elarix or any of his affiliates. "Then I suppose I have a pretty bad case of the blues myself!" Again, this joke was made in reference to the color of her fur and is not about Elarix or anyone else at the Foxhole. If Elarix or any of his friends also happen to be the color blue, then we would like to apologize for this joke, which was purely coincidental.

"A-at least it looks good on y-you," Fox manages to mumble as he turns somewhat red. [A/N: This is because he is attempting to flirt while not making any jokes at Elarix's expense or at anyone else's expense who may or may not be related to Elarix.]

Krystal looks at him, slightly concerned but mostly confused. "Sorry, did you say something, Fox?"

"Hey, don't worry about it, Krys." Falco slips his arm around Fox's shoulders, but not before whispering: "What about me, Fox? Does blue look good on me too?" He then proceeds to cackle, because he is joking, and this joke was made at the expense of Fox McCloud in reference to his attempt at flirting. In no way, shape, or form was this joke meant to be derogatory to any other aforementioned parties, most notably Elarix.

"Lay off, Falco," says Fox through grit teeth, who is understandably upset at being the butt of a joke. Much like Elarix might be, or any other person in the company he keeps at the Foxhole, if this joke was directed at them. But it's not so none of them should be upset by this joke. If anyone is upset by this joke, please let us know and we'll remove it immediately.

It is important to note at this point in the story that the sextet [that is to say, the six of them, which is Fox, Falco, Slippy, Peppy, Krystal, and ROB 64, and is not a word that could be construed as an insult to Elarix and his affiliates] has made their way through space on the Great Fox to Aquas, the beach planet, from Corneria, the planet where they are mostly stationed for all intents and purposes. Neither planet is home to Elarix nor anyone else at the Foxhole, and so any details about them, whether humorously stated or not, have nothing to do with them and therefore should not be construed as insults.

"BEGINNING. LANDING. PROCEDURES," comes the robotic barks of ROB 64 over the intercom.

Peppy hurries over to his chair. "Alright, y'all, time to buckle up!" He says this because he cares about his crew's safety and not as a way to insult or make light of any of the accomplishments of Elarix or any other writers/fans that frequent the Foxhole Discord server. The rest of the crew follows shortly.

"Heck, I'm more excited than a frog in a frying pan!" Slippy cheerfully hoots and hollers after that statement. That is an oddly derogatory statement towards frogs, of which Slippy is one, but it is not derogatory in any fashion towards Elarix nor any of his associates unless they also happen to be frogs, which is possible. If so, Slippy would like to apologize for that last joke. We know this because he told us, and we are relating this potential apology, from Slippy, for Elarix or any of his associates if they happen to be frogs.

"Slippy, you aurght not say things like that," Peppy says, as if he's reading this story as it is being written, which he is not, nor is he infringing on the intellectual property of Elarix or any of his affiliate associates at the Foxhole. "Some of Elarix's friends at the forum and discord server the Foxhole or even Elarix himself might identify as a frog. Which is okay! You're a frog and we love you! We just don't assume to know how anyone might take that joke, up to and including Elarix and his associates and friends at the Foxhole discord server and fanfiction dot net forum."

"You're right!" Slippy says, contributing to the flow of the dialogue. "I wouldn't want anyone at the Foxhole, especially worth noting is Elarix, to think I was being insensitive to them. I care about people's feelings, you know?"

"Yeah, buddy, we know," Falco says winking at him, bearing a smile of giant beautiful choppers with his beak. "We just gotta watch what we say in a public medium so people know they're not a target of maliciousness."

"I'm glad we're all learning to be more sensitive people, and receptive to people's feelings," Peppy says. "Life is hard enough on all of us without us working together."

"And me and Erin!" Marcus says, bouncing on Erin's shoulders. The human in a white tank top carries him, smiling.  
They've both been there this whole time, we just forgot to mention them. What we won't forget, ever, is to proclaim loudly and with pride that we mean absolutely ZERO offense to Elarix and his friends and cohorts at the Foxhole discord server and fanfiction dot net forum!

"Yes, my darling," Krystal says giggling. "And you and Erin."

"Aye pet!," Erin says in a beautiful Irish accent. "We be learnin' and maturin' and having fun in the sun together! And I know someone who would just love practicin' their cartwheels on the beach!"  
This character is a reference to the 2010 motion picture Sex and the City 2, starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Catrall, Kristin Davis, and Cynthia Nixon, and not Elarix or ANY of his constituents and friends alike at the Foxhole discord server. [A/N: I have seen movie Sex and the City 2 a total of 24 times and counting.]

"HEEHEEHEE! HEEHEEHEE!" Marcus says closing his eyes while smiling and clapping. "Is it me?!"

"Aye, pet. It be you I'm speaking of," Erin says, smiling phantasmagorical-like, and not at the expense of anyone over at the Foxhole forum which includes the fanfiction writer Elarix. "And you I'm speaking to!"

Marcus gigglescreams.  
Falco pretends not to be annoyed because of what his brain doctor told him in anger management class. It should be noted that if you are experiencing anger management, this is not a slight or affront or analogue to you or Elarix or anyone at the Foxhole. We are very sympathetic towards this character and we respect his growth and progress as a Cornerian birdman. We all get there, and we all go at our own pace, and that's okay!

"Ah! We're here!" Fox says, setting up his beach chair and parking his cooler on wheels next to it! "Would anyone like a seltzer water?"  
We would also like to take this opportunity to offer Elarix and any of his compatriots from the Foxhole a seltzer water. Please PM us if you'd like to redeem this offer for a seltzer water.

"Bro! I'll take a seltzer water if you're offerin'!" Falco exclaims and Fox hands him a seltzer water.

"I'll glug that bubbly!" Slippy says cracking open the seltzer water when Fox hands him a seltzer water.

Suddenly, two Christmas Sharks, Kringle and Bondon, pop out of the water!

"Did someone say bubbly!" Kringle says.

"Did somebody say glug!" Bondon says.

"Are you guys having a Christmas Beach Party?!" Says Kringle.

"Did somebody say glug!" Bondon says.

"Excuse us, Bondon has a very limited vocabulary. He can only say 'did somebody say glug!'. What he means is, would you mind if we joined you if you are in fact having a Christmas Beach Party!"  
[A/N: Just in case there was any confusion, we would like to point out that nobody here at backpack bootswiper map thinks anyone at the Foxhole has a limited vocabulary. Elarix, for instance, is actually rather well spoken and a very competent writer. If you haven't already, and you aren't Elarix or his friends from the Foxhole who may already have, you might go check out one of his stories and leave a positive review. He can be quite the charming fellow!]

"Of course you can join us!" Krystal says, and everyone readily chirps in yeahs and uh-huhs as agreement.

"Did somebody say glug!" Bondon says, which in this context means something like "thank you so much for your kind hospitality!"

"Did somebody say glug indeed good buddy!" Kringle says. "Flip bump!"

"Did somebody say glug!" Which in this context means something like "flip bump!" as he bumps flippers with his Christmas Shark Companion.

Over Fox's shoulder, Falco whispers to Fox, "did you know anything about Christmas Sharks before this?"

"Man, I don't even know how Christmas could conceivably exist in this universe," Fox whispers back. Everyone freezes and stars at him. Silent. Unmoving.

"...What?"

* * *

WE HERE AT backpack bootswiper map INTERRUPT THIS FANFICTION, REGRETTABLY, TO CANCEL IT. AFTER CAREFUL SCRUTINY AND INVESTIGATION, WE HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT THE LAST JOKE WAS MADE ABOUT CHRISTMAS NOT EXISTING IN THE STAR FOX UNIVERSE COULD BE CONSTRUED AS A JOKE ABOUT CHRISTMAS STORIES IN THE STAR FOX FANFICTION SECTION, NOTABLY THE CHRISTMAS STORIES BY ELARIX AND HIS COHORT MEMBERS OF THE DISCORD SERVER AND FANFICTION DOT NET FORUM "THE FOXHOLE". THIS WAS NEITHER OUR INTENTION AS A COLLECTIVE NOR THE INTENTION OF THE WRITER, HOWEVER, IN ORDER TO LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED, THE WRITER HAS BEEN REPRIMANDED BY FIRE, THAT IS TO SAY THEY WERE FIRED, AND THE FANFICTION HAS BEEN CANCELED AHEAD OF SCHEDULE. CREDITS ROLL AND THE SONG "DANCE THIS MESS AROUND" BY THE B52'S PLAYS. THIS SONG IS IN NO WAY A VEILED MESSAGE OF SPITE TO ANYONE, INCLUDING ELARIX OR HIS ASSOCIATES AT THE FOXHOLE, WE JUST THINK IT'S A BOP. THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY.

xoxoxo  
\- backpack bootswiper map.


End file.
